10 Things I've Learned After 10 Years of Marriage

After 10 wonderfully blissful years of marriage to the only man out there for me (the only man who could put up with me), I have learned some valuable things as a wife, woman, mother, and child of God.  Some of them are STILL things that I am learning, but they are important nevertheless.  Bear with me, this is going to be a little lengthy (if you know me well, you know that I can be long-winded when it comes to my writing).

Our wedding day 08/05/06

7/2016

1. Serving together brings you closer to one another and to God.

Snack time after serving

• As two people with hectic jobs and schedules, Aaron and I know that any time away from each other by choice needs to be meaningful. However, any time we get to do things together, like serving, we jump at the chance.  Serving in the toddler hall at our church is one way we get to spend time with our daughter, each other, and with God.  This is a triple win situation!  We feel more connected to each other, we get to see and be a part of what our daughter learns about God at church, we know how to further that love of her heavenly father at home, and we don't resent having to be away from each other.  In the past, we served at another church in the food pantry.  That was an amazing experience, and I look forward to my currently 3 year old daughter getting a little older so she can do that with us at our new church.

2. Growing in faith together strengthens your marriage.

Getting baptized together

• Our faith journey has been a truly uplifting adventure.  We were first invited to church as a newly married couple in 2008 by one of my first-year student's parents.  We connected with some friends (that we still spend time with now) there, joined their small young-marrieds group, met even more friends, attended bible and discipleship classes, began serving together, and commenced studying the bible together. We sincerely understood God's gift of grace to us all, accepted it, and got baptized together.  
• Now, at our new church, we serve together, are part of a life group with others from our church, and are working on getting rid of our debt through Dave Ramsey's teachings.  No matter what crazy things we go through on a daily basis, our faith together is what unquestionably continues to help us grow as husband and wife.  We are committed to being there for one another and working through any issues that try to get in the way of our love for one another.  
• Now don't get me wrong, there are days when we struggle with fatigue from just trying to survive a day filled to the brim of work, parenting, cooking (on his part haha), cleaning, etc, and we just want to collapse.   I think we still have a lot of growing to do in this area, but we are on the way there.  Our daily conversations are quite delightful (we find many ways to laugh), we constantly learn together, and we yearn to be a model of a Godly couple for our daughter.

Our friends who came to see and support us getting baptized

3. Make one-on-one time for each other.

• As I stated above, we are crazy busy.  As an educator, I tend to get stressed with my seemingly insurmountable to-do lists throughout the school year.  I have been known to work, work, work, and use all of my time and energy at school. Then when I get home, I just want to relax and go to sleep. He will find me slumped on the couch, moaning from the pain in my feet that aches all throughout my legs. My brain will be fried, and all I have the energy to do is sit there completely dazed and out of focus, like a zombie awakening with its first hunger.
• My understanding husband, Aaron, has had to remind me (this is sad, I know) that we need time together to stay connected with one another. In the past year, we have had intentional US time before we pick up our daughter from daycare.  I can't tell you how much closer this time has brought us to one another.  I feel like 10 years in, we are even closer than we were when we first got married! I thought there wouldn't be anything else to learn about and from my man, but there is!
• This is an area that I will need to work very hard on this school year.  My husband and family should be a priority over my work.  I know this.  It is just hard when you are in the midst of life and work to remember to put it to practice.  This year, I WILL! Love you, Aaron!

Date night at Disney Springs

4. Exercise together.

• For those that know us really well, Aaron and I have gone on a health and exercise journey that has had its ups downs, and costs: financially, physically, and even emotionally.  For those that don't know us well, but are curious about this journey, let me just say that running 8 miles a day, just isn't happening anymore! Our knees are thanking us!

  

  When I used to run 7 minute miles!

• Now, we have finally reached a healthy amount of exercise. We lift weights together 2-3 times a week (in our 90 degree garage, now THAT'S dedication!) and push a prowler on weekends (this is a heart-pounding, nausea-inducing activity, but still an exceptional one), go for walks with friends and our daughter on trails, and do cardio at home.

  

  Pushing the prowler

• This is just yet another example of us finding a way to do something that we find pleasurable (I guess the RESULTS we get are pleasurable) and need to do, together. We get to suffer and drip sweat in the 100 degree temperatures as we try to beat our number of times the sled was pushed record.  We hold each other accountable (him more than me, let me just be truthful here) and we are there to support each other through our triumphs (beating our records of how much we can deadlift and squat) and plateaus. 
• Some people ask, how can you fit all that in?  We just have to make time for it.  It's a priority for us to not just be healthy, but healthy TOGETHER.  We make it work.  The fitness expert that he is, Aaron creates workout logs and makes sure that we jump back on the fitness wagon if we let vacations and hectic schedules tumble us off.

5. Live now.  Plan for the future, but enjoy life now.

Ashlyn getting Mickey's autograph

• This is probably one of my hardest lessons, that I am still trying to learn.  I struggle with contentment.  There, I said it.  I want to buy a house now.  I want another child now.  I want this.  I want that.  Aaron does a great job of reminding me that I need to be content with what we have and do now.  We will get there.  The most important thing for us to do at this point in our lives is to rid ourselves of our debt.  
• Aaron has created a very detailed budget plan that allows us to save for the things we want and need, but also provides us wiggle room to still go out on dates, go out to eat once a week, and vacation!
• We got to take our daughter to Disney World this summer, and that experience was something that I will never forget.  Seeing her eyes light up at the sight of her favorite Disney characters and princesses was priceless. Getting to travel there with close friends also made it the trip of a lifetime.  

  

  Ashlyn meeting Belle

  
  
• Eventually we will purchase our first home (this is a dream I've always had since my family rented my entire life).  It will be amazing.  I will get to raise my family in a stable home that they can come back to and visit years later.  If that is God's plan for us, it will happen.  Right now, I am going to enjoy each day that He gives us and make memories with my loved ones.

6. Learn new skills together.

Paint Nite

• Aaron and I have had some insightful learning experiences together.  We've taken Salsa dancing lessons (we realized that we'll need private lessons if we really want to grow as dancers), we've learned to cook together (somewhere, I guess I forgot that skill along the lines because the kitchen is his domain), we've gone painting together, we've learned to budget together (something he is still trying to teach me on a DAILY basis), we're learning how to be parents to our precious daughter, we tried our hand at drawing (a skill that comes naturally to him and that I have to work hours at), we've learned how to lift weights the right way to reach our goals, how to argue and disagree in a healthy and productive way (I still struggle here sometimes, no joke- but Aaron is so good about defusing situations), we learned how to NOT escape from an escape room (haha), we've even learned how to study the bible together and live out God's word on a daily basis.

We didn't escape :(

Painting date

7. Read together. 

Driving from Lubbock and listening to an audio book

• When Aaron and I first met, he wasn't really a reader. I have always been a book worm, and now it's worse than ever! I can proudly say that I have brought him into the world of reading for enjoyment! Now, Aaron listens to audiobooks on the way to work, we listen to audiobooks together, he listens to the Bible, and he loves Stephen King too! This might be my favorite thing (just kidding..... or AM I?) about him.  He loves to read what I read (minus the historical fiction- inspirational fiction stuff). He buys me books! (Well, now he encourages me to buy ONLY ebooks, which is something I do, but I can't ONLY read ebooks. He doesn't understand how I feel the need to collect more and more books.  Sorry, Aaron.  Get used to it.  I'll be a reader and book collector for life. When we do buy a home, there will be a library that I hope holds the flame to the one in Beauty and the Beast.) Reading together lends itself to having discussions about what you read.  As a reader, who could NOT love having these discussions with their spouse of all people?

8. Listen to each other.

• We all have rough days.  We all need a best friend.  Someone we can vent to and cry on their shoulder when we just can't take it anymore.  Someone to bounce ideas off of and get honest feedback from. Aaron has always been there for me to do these things with. He doesn't judge me and is always patient with me. 

  

  Who would NOT want to listen to these two?

• I could be a better listener and give back the gift of listening when he needs to share something with me.  Sometimes I can get so wrapped up in a book that I don't hear him when he's talking to me.  I "hear" him, but it goes in one ear and out the other.  I will definitely work on this.

9. Support each other when one is sick or down in the dumps.

The Thanksgiving Feast!

• One form of support is to listen, like I mentioned above.  But there are so many other ways to support.  Aaron knows that I come home utterly exhausted from a normal work day.  He doesn't (usually) complain when he sees me vegging out on the couch with a book or with my eyes half closed and my mouth hanging open, a slight snore escaping my lips.  What does he do instead? He starts preparing one of his famous gourmet dinners (I'm sure he will laugh when he reads this part). He washes the dishes after we eat.  He massages my aching feet! He takes our daughter a bath and reads to her. Cleans up around the house. Massages my tense shoulders.  He is like Super-husband, with all the things he does without ever complaining.  
• When one of us is sick, we take care of each other.  Whether it's to give the other fever medication, chicken noodle soup, or just some time to recuperate without our energetic daughter asking us to go play outside.

10. Never go to bed angry.

• This is cliché  I know.  I also know that last night I went to bed after having shown frustration and irritation towards my husband.  He forgives me when I do this.  I, more than him, need to address this area. I don't like to go to bed angry because when you wake up, you don't need lingering hurt and anger from last night, that you can't even remember was even about, cloaked thickly about your shoulders when you begin your day anew.  Sorry, Aaron.  Forgive my crankiness.  I was exhausted and took it out on you.

Walking on a trail with friends

So, if you actually made it this far in my post, you now know a little bit more about what it takes to be happily married for 10 years.  Our marriage is not perfect, but I honestly can't complain.  When God put Aaron in my life, I knew that I was tremendously blessed.  I still do.  I appreciate this handsome, considerate, thoughtful, loving man.  He makes me laugh and can finish my sentences for me. I'm still in awe that our marriage could be stronger and more interesting after 10 years. That's a third of my life on this planet! Yikes!! Even now, I learn new things about my husband and I look forward to many more joyous and tender years together.

Daytona Beach, Florida

Love you Aaron.  You rock!